what we've been planning

I started back at Starbucks a few weeks back. I wanted a better part time job since, I think, I'll be working part-time for a while and that's ok. I'm struggling with my decision as I have always been driven and in a way, this seems like a step backwards.

This change came as I approached a big step in school.... applying and going to Nursing school. Which meant full time child care for Luke for the next 2 years. This has caused me to drag my feet. Before Luke I had always planned on having a full time career and putting my kids in care. But now I can't bring myself to do it. (I realize I'm not speaking much of AL in this big decision process.... but he feels the same way, fyi). It feels like I would miss so much... age 3 and 4... a time of innocence and imagination, monsters and bugs, snuggling and kissing booboos.

We've been talking about when it would be a good time for number two for awhile. And there never is a "good time" to have a baby. They tend to disrupt everything and everyone in their pathways. That's then nature of babies... take, take, take.... and I love it!

So,we talked about it and decided to go for it.... almost immediately I got pregnant. I was expecting it to take longer. Here's how it went down:

Thinking in my head "REALLY?! Wait, what? Let me google positive ept test... wait REALLY?"
Then I started sweating a lot and texted Al a picture of the test... he would never believe me otherwise. I've played the "i'm pregnant-gag" too many times.

Then I called Al who was very quiet.
"Uh... I think I'm pregnant"
"How old is that test?"
"Probably over 3 years old but, I don't think false positives are common"
silence....
Me:"are you freaking out?"
Al "little bit, go get another test to be sure"

I ran to the store and got the fancy digital ones. And wouldn't you know.... still pregnant in bold type. Luke wanted to play with the test and wouldn't leave it alone until I told him I peed on it. I called Al back and confirmed, he had let it absorb a little more by now. "Guess we're having another baby". Gulp. I don't know why we were both surprised. We had both discussed and agreed on this big step.

The initial shock has worn off and now I'm excited and telling everyone. I can't keep it too myself. My mom said my due date is March 17th but all the pregnancy calculators online say March 28th.... so some where in there.

So, I'm in sort of a holding pattern professionally but it feels right. Being a mom of young children is such a short span of time, I really want to savor it.