If you haven't already seen the Facebook post, we lost the baby this afternoon. Honestly, I'm relived that the worst part is over. I realized as I went through this that I really had no idea what to expect. I've heard of people having miscarriages but never knew about what actually happens. I don't really know why. Perhaps it's too painful and private or maybe there is some subconscious shame. I know I'm experiencing all of that including shame. I know in my head that there was nothing I could do and it's not my fault but I still feel like I should have been able to protect my baby and that I have somehow failed as a mother.
I believe that baby stopped growing at 6.5 weeks like the ultrasound showed but who knows when he/she past. My body continued supporting the pregnancy until Tuesday not recognizing that the baby was gone.
When the baby finally passed I kept it. I couldn't bear to flush it, it didn't seem right. Alan and I are going to name it and bury it in our backyard. I hate calling the baby "it", we never learned very much about him/her. But we loved our baby. This is tough. I miss him/her already.
2 comments:
I am so sorry sweetie! I am crying right now reading this post and can not even begin to imagin what you are going through. We love you so very much and are so sad to see that you had to go through this. You are an amazing person and mother! If there is anything at all you need please know we are here for you in every way! Love you tons!!!!
I am so so so sorry you as well as your family have to go through this. I can only imagine what you are going through. Please know that this whole thing was out of your control. Easier said then done, I know. As women and mothers we tend to over analize everything and this situtation is no different. Just know you did everything you could do to protect that percious life and everything happens for a reason.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
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